Refining Your Sentences for the Best Results
Refine (ri fin) 1. to free or become free of impurities 2. to make or become more polished or elegant
A huge part of a writer’s job is to refine. I love this word because it sounds like what it means. It’s an elegant, polished word. It’s also the perfect description of what we strive for as we revise. Writers take sentences that are clunky and unseemly, and we chip away at them until they’re as strong as they can be. This takes time, patience, and attention to detail. It requires a willingness to go back over the same material again and again. But the result is a manuscript where every word counts.
Here’s an example of the process. Today I found this sentence while reading over my work-in-progress: I envied her.
I wrinkled my nose This sentence states an emotion outright, and I never like to do that if I can avoid it. It’s too heavy-handed. Better for your reader to intuit the emotion from the action and dialogue in the scene.
So, I changed it to: Envy cut like a knife.
Better, but cliché. How many times have we heard that something cut like a knife? And is that really what her envy felt like? I closed my eyes and imagined myself in the main character’s shoes, feeling envious.
Then I wrote this: Envy sliced through me like a paper cut.
That’s what I truly think envy feels like – the persistent sting of something that appears to be small, but actually really hurts. Will I keep this one? Maybe or maybe not. I could, perhaps, delete the words “through me”. But regardless, every version has gotten stronger. I’ve refined this sentence from something blatant and artless into something that might evoke an emotion from my reader.
If you’re hoping to refine your own work, here are some tips:
1) Slow down. There’s so much emphasis these days on word count. Write a novel in a month. Produce x number of pages per week and x number of books per year. But ask yourself, what kind of writer do you want to be? Art takes time.
2) Make a mental list of red flag words or phrases that should alert you to the fact that refining is needed. For example, whenever I read the words “he felt” (or she or they or I, etc.) I know I’m stating something too blatantly. Watch out for clichés.
3) If something sounds clunky, it is. Don’t debate whether or not to change it, just change it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to keep a line or phrase, but eventually it always comes out.
4) Don’t accept your first fix. Push yourself to try additional versions. You want the best result, not just a better result.
5) Be creative, but not gimmicky. Try out the unexpected, but don’t forget – aim for elegant.
And last, but not least, remember that although a writer’s work is never done, eventually we have to let go. Our prose can always be refined. Trust me, you will find sentences you’ll wish you’d changed in your published work. But there comes a time when we have to move on and hope we’ve done the very best work we know how to do. Good luck!
